


The Meeting

by Plain Old Shahhida



Category: Zombieland
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2013-08-11 08:53:58
Rating: K+
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8804136/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3948344/Plain-Old-Shahhida
Summary: Columbus need Wichita's help hiding his latent homosexual feelings from his parents. Before Zombieland. Pure drabble. One-shot





	The Meeting

**Columbus brings the girl to meet the parents for the first time, unfortunately Columbus is a homosexual…so yeah, the following is loosely based on a scene from Transformers.**

_(A couple is sitting at a table in a diner. Their son, Columbus, has been in the bathroom for about 15 minutes)_

MOM: My god, you're so uptight. Were you _(whispers)_ masturbating?

COLUMBUS: Was I- Mom! No!

DAD: Judy, that is a father-son thing. LOOK, now you've made him uncomfortable

MOM: Well, we don't have to call it _that_. We could call it Columbus's happy place…

COLUMBUS: Mom! No-no-no!

MOM :(_ swishes around her drink_)…or Columbus's special alone time…

DAD: Father-son! Father-son!

COLUMBUS: Oh. My. God. You are so embarrassing! Please, for the love of God, _please_ act normal when she comes here, _please_.

MOM: Well, _alright_. You don't have to get you're panties in a twist…

COLUMBUS: _(shouts)_ I don't own panties!

_(other people in the diner turn to look at him)_

DAD: Oh… Judy, Judy. _(facepalm and shakes his head)_

MOM: What? So I had a little to drink.

COLUMBUS: Kill me _now_, please.

MOM: So who is this girl, anyway? _(sips drink)_

COLUMBUS: She's just my friend, mom. _Friend_.

MOM: mmmph.

COLUMBUS: What?_ (looks at dad then back at mom)_ What's that supposed to mean?

DAD: That means that you've said that about the last girl. What was her name? _(ponders)_

MOM: _(sounds out syllables)_ Mic-Cail-la

COLUMBUS: _(turns red) _Michaela and I _were_ just friends.

MOM: I just bet you were.

COLUMBUS: _(grits teeth)_ Mom, Dad, Wichita and I are JUST friends, okay?!

MOM: mmmph.

_(a girl approaches the table)_

WICHITA: Columbus?

COLUMBUS: _(stands up and walks a little ways to her) (whispers to Wichita) _Hey Witch, thanks for doing this.

WICHITA: _(whispers back) _No prob.

COLUMBUS: Mom, Dad, this is Wichita.

MOM & DAD: She's _gorgeous_!

MOM: SHE's with YOU? _Why_?

COLUMBUS: Oh, and these are my parents from hell.

WICHITA: _(uncertainly)_ uhhhh…Nice… to meet you?

DAD: _(cheerfully)_ Hi! Want a cigarette?

WICHITA: _(smiles)_ We good.

**Yea, Columbus knows how to push the buttons on his parents. So review, please!**


End file.
